Zvoní telefon. "Halo?" - "Promiňte, to je omyl." - "Určitě?" - "A už jsem vám někdy lhal?"
_________________________________________________________________
"Co bys řekl, kdybys potkal ženu, která dokáže všecho odpustit, bude na tebe hodná, laskavá a bude umět výborně vařit?" - "Ahoj mami!"
_________________________________________________________________
Byl angličan,čech a rus ,a oni se vsadili kdo přejde řeku plnou krokodylu.Tak šel rusch zaspíval hymnu ,sežral ho krokodyl,pak šel anličan zaspíval hymnu sezral ho krokodyl a pak šel čech a a zpíval:kde domov muj, kde domov muj.....a krokodyl na to fuj bezdomovce nežeru.
_________________________________________________________________
Jsou dva havíři v dole a jeden druhému říká:"Ty seš dneska ňákej smutnej?"
"Jo protože jsem vyhrál zájezd do Anglie"povídá druhý.
"A proč jsi z toho smutnej?"ptá se první
"No protože neumim anglicky"¨
"Tak já ti poradim.Když budeš mluvit pomalu,budou ti všichni rozumět."
Havíř tedy odjede do Anglie a tam si sedne do jednoho baru a povídá barmanovi:"J-á j-s-e-m h-a-v-í-ř z O-s-t-r-a-v-y , a o-d-k-u-d j-s-i t-y?"a ten druhý povídá:" J-á j-s-e-m h-a-v-í-ř z K-a-r-v-i-n-é a p-r-o-č m-l-u-v-í-m-e a-n-g-l-i-c-k-y?
_________________________________________________________________
Jede chlápek v nadupaným subaru po dálnici a jen tak to šetří a jede jen 120 km/h. Najednou vedle něj trabant a jeho řidič křičí na toho chlábka: "Znáte trabanta?". Chlápek se udiví, a tak dupne na plyn a má tam 180 km/h. Trabanta na chvíli ztratí, ale za chvíli jede zase vedle a řidič zas: "Znáte trabanta?". Chlápek na to zase šlápne a dá tam 200 km/h. Trabant ho opět po chvíli dojede a zase křičí: "Znáte trabanta?". Ten chlápek se už naštve nasolí tomu na 260 km/h a trabantu ujede. Po pár kilometrech zastaví na benzínce a ten trabant tam přijede taky. Řidič vystoupí a ptá se: "Znáte trabanta?". A on: "Ano, proč?". "A kde má dvojku?".
_________________________________________________________________
Opékají si kanibalové nad ohněm cikána.Kolem jde polda a povídá:Proč s ním točíte tak rychle?Kuchař odpoví:"Když s ním točíme pomalu,tak nám krade bramdory.
_________________________________________________________________
Trosečník je už asi 30let na pustém ostrově,když mu jednou ráno moře vyplaví ženskou.Když se probere a pochopí situaci,řekne:To jsi rád,že budeš mít konečně to,co ti tak dlouho chybělo.Viďˇ?
Trosečník se vykulí: Cože ty máš sebou pivo ?
_________________________________________________________________
Ptá se muž Boha.
" Proč jsi udělal ženu tak hezkou? "
" Aby si jí miloval. " Odpoví Bůh
" A proč je teda tak hloupá? "
" Aby milovala tebe. "
_________________________________________________________________
Je blondýna a je na benzinové stanici a říká prodavači.
Pane já jsem si zabouchla dveře od auta!
A tak prodavač jí dá drátek a říká: Na otevřete si to drátkem.
A tak blondýna jde k autu a otvírá ho drátkem a kolem jde starý dědek a říká prodavači: Pane venku je blondýna a otvírá si drátkem auto!!! A prodavač říká.
Ten drátek jsem jí dal já! A dědek na to: No jo ale v tom autě sedí druhá blondýna a říká jí doprava,doprava.
_________________________________________________________________
Dovnitř to jde suché,
ven vlhké,
a dává hřejivé uspokojení?
Sáček od čaje.
_________________________________________________________________
Ptá se lord sluhy:
" Má citron zobáček? "
" Ne pane. "
" A nožičky? "
" Ne pane. "
" Tak to jsem si do čaje vymačkal kanára
_________________________________________________________________
Přijde Myšpulín do řeznictví a ptá se:,,Máte vepřové steaky???"
,,Ano,chceš???"
Myšpulin vytáhne brokovnici , zastřelí reznika a rekne :,,to mate za Bobíka _________________________________________________________________
Sedí holčička u potoka a pláče..Příjde k ní pán a zeptá se jí:
Pán:,,Proč pláčeš děvenko??'
Holčička:,,Protože,protože mi spadl chleba do vody'
Pán:,,A s čím ten chleba byl??'
Holčička:,,S maminkou'
_________________________________________________________________
tati můžu se dívat na televizi? můžeš ale zapínat ji nesmýš
_________________________________________________________________
Komentáře
Přehled komentářů
【揚歌-教學麥克風直營店】官方線上購物網站─JM-180B有線麥克風擴音器│無線麥克風擴音器│揚歌小蜜蜂│專營教學麥克風及教學擴音器
https://mic-shop.com/
Albrigi - Organic Wine
(Albrigi2020MOOMB, 18. 1. 2020 21:02)
Organic Wine
Do you ever worry about what additives, preservatives and pesticides are in your food? What about the effect on the environment of the manufacturing process?
When you make your own wine you don’t need to worry! Every ingredient has been put in the wine personally so you know exactly what you’re putting in to your body.
Whether you are using fruit you have grown yourself (or been given) or you’ve been able to source locally grown organic beauties – you can now make your own organic wine at fraction of the cost of store-bought organic wine.
You can also buy organic sugar fair trade sugar from the makewine.co.nz shop. This sugar has been sustainably and ethically sourced.
Sulphite (Sulfite) Free Wine
It is impossible to make a sulfite-free wine, because wine yeast produces sulfur dioxide (SO2) during the fermentation process. However, you can reduce and control the amount of sulphites in your wine by how much / whether you use metabisulphite in your home winemaking.
It is true that metabisulphite is an effective and safe method of sterilising both your must and equipment, but if you don’t mind taking a little bit of risk you can make wine without it. Using boiling water to sterlise your equipment and must, whilst a bit more risky in terms of your wine getting an infection, may be a worthwhile trade-off in your opinion especially if you have a sensitivity to sulphites. You can also choose to rinse your equipment that has been sterlised with metabisulphite with cooled boiled water to reduce the amount of sulphites you are adding to your wine. Also, if you are planning on drinking your wine young, the alcohol in the wine will act as a preservative, negating the need to add metabisulphite throughout the winemaking process as a preservative.
Some people use chlorine bleach to sterlise their equipment rather than metabisulphite. Also some homebrew stores sell a pink powder as a sanitiser which is a chlorinated product. This is NOT recommended. Chlorine is quite a dangerous product to have around wine. With improper use and insufficient rinsing chlorine residue may get into the wine. If it does, it could easily be converted to trichloroanisole (TCA) the major chemical found in cork taint (mustiness). For this reason, chlorine is almost never used in wineries.
Women's clothing and accessories from the UK
(JimmyAcedo, 17. 1. 2020 16:24)Women's clothing and accessories from the UK https://fas.st/-8K5a
I wanted to thank you
(lightroommew, 17. 1. 2020 15:08)
"https://adobe.com/" - Adobe Lightroom is the most ordinary epitome editing software in compensation photographers, with hundreds of thousands of effects and presets on peck on the internet.
You can download Lightroom from Adobe’s website.
"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adobe_Lightroom" - Adobe Lightroom presets help you to clean up your photos in record but past doing a assignment of the production after you. You can simply test old-fashioned a pre-defined power, while keeping your native facsimile and reverting recoil from to it at anytime.
You can use:
Lightroom Presets for Wedding Photography
Lightroom Presets for Baby and Family Photography
Lightroom Presets for Headshots
Lightroom Presets for Senior Portraits
Lightroom Presets for Landscape
Lightroom Presets for Nature Photography
Lightroom Presets for Food Photography
Lightroom Presets for Car Photography
Lightroom Presets for Real Estate
Lightroom Presets for Product and Fashion Photography
And a "https://mrlightroom.com/shop/lightroom-presets/autumn-mood-lightroom-desktop-and-mobile-presets/" - Autumn Mood Lightroom Desktop and Mobile Presets
for everyday shooting.
ア
Nobility Locality Diefe
(tgjtfkrijm, 17. 1. 2020 7:05)as the pomposity suchlike in galantine is lock quiet
The best site
(Sheiladow, 16. 1. 2020 3:47)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4talSeaiMc&lc=Ugwfw4_obBom-N6Ts5x4AaABAg
The best site
(JenniferMes, 14. 1. 2020 14:27)https://how2gamehack.com/94-degrees-69.html
The best site
(Jennapem, 13. 1. 2020 15:14)https://waaweibehyd.tk/99-war-pinball-hd-v10-by-bobiras2009.html
I wanted to thank you
(lightroommew, 11. 1. 2020 22:18)
"https://adobe.com/" - Adobe Lightroom is the most well-known periapt editing software in the secondment of photographers, with hundreds of thousands of effects and presets available on the internet.
You can download Lightroom from Adobe’s website.
"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adobe_Lightroom" - Adobe Lightroom presets supporter you to redact your photos in register but by means of doing a part of the work after you. You can unaffectedly essay old-fashioned a pre-defined effect, while keeping your initial impression and reverting break to it at anytime.
You can use:
Lightroom Presets for Wedding Photography
Lightroom Presets for Baby and Family Photography
Lightroom Presets for Headshots
Lightroom Presets for Senior Portraits
Lightroom Presets for Landscape
Lightroom Presets for Nature Photography
Lightroom Presets for Food Photography
Lightroom Presets for Car Photography
Lightroom Presets for Real Estate
Lightroom Presets for Product and Fashion Photography
And a "https://mrlightroom.com/shop/lightroom-presets/dreamy-lightroom-desktop-and-mobile-presets/" - Dreamy Lightroom Desktop and Mobile Presets
for everyday shooting.
ア
【揚歌-教學麥克風直營店】官方線上購物網站─JM-180B有線麥克風擴音器│無線麥克風擴音器│揚歌小蜜蜂│專營教學麥克風及教學擴音器
(Michaelped, 9. 1. 2020 18:05)
【揚歌-教學麥克風直營店】官方線上購物網站─JM-180B有線麥克風擴音器│無線麥克風擴音器│揚歌小蜜蜂│專營教學麥克風及教學擴音器
https://mic-shop.com/
Jody Read joins bindergolf.com Company
(jody, 8. 1. 2020 9:10)
Hello, it’s Jody here!
I work as an academic writer and have created this content with the intent of changing your life for the better. I started honing my writing skills in my school years. I learned that my fellow students needed writing help—and they were willing to pay for it. The money was enough to help pay my tuition for my remaining semesters of college.
Ever since school, I have continued to work as a professional writer. I was hired by a writing service based in the United Kingdom. Since then, the dissertations that I have written have been sold around Europe and the United States.
In my line of work, I have become familiar with hearing, “Jody Read, can you help me meet my writing assignment deadline?” I know that I can save their time.
Academic Writer – Jody Read – Corp
The best News 2020
(Waynesem, 6. 1. 2020 23:25)Реклама в Pinterest самая эффективная по продажам https://youtu.be/gjll0jf-Itw для интернет магазинов, ebay, etsy, amazon
New,s 2020
(Cecilnat, 6. 1. 2020 16:41)Реклама в Pinterest самая эффективная по продажам https://youtu.be/gjll0jf-Itw для интернет магазинов, ebay, etsy, amazon
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44
【揚歌-教學麥克風直營店】官方線上購物網站─JM-180B有線麥克風擴音器│無線麥克風擴音器│揚歌小蜜蜂│專營教學麥克風及教學擴音器
(Dominicved, 21. 1. 2020 4:50)